Welcome to Georgia's Journey

Georgia Lily Lucas was born at home on October 6th, 2008 4:15am, in Winnipeg, Manitoba. She was diagnosed with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) on April 1, 2009.

On April 3rd Georgia was taken home, to be near her sisters and the rest of her family and friends. Nearly three weeks later, on April 21, 2009, she died peacefully -- in the loving arms of her mother and in the same room in which she was born.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Crazyland

Today I got to see Georgia or rather Georgia's body. As they opened the door to the room I practically ran to her. She looked so beautful wrapped in the blanket Grandma had made laid in her pretty pink bed. I started by touching her hands and then slowly looking her over. I took off her socks to stare at her toes and lifted up her shirt. I even undid her diaper just to assure myself that she was as I had left her. Before I knew it I had picked her up and was holding her in my arms. Yous see, the one thing that I have come to realize is that I miss the weight of her in my arms and against my body. I can look at pictures and see her beautiful face and bright eyes. I can watch videos and hear her laugh. I can even put her blanket to my face and smell her but I can't feel her weight. Had I been but a silent witness to this scene I would have been on the phone demanding a psychiatrist. Instead I found myself in a chair holding my beautiful baby girl unable to move.

Eventually I did put her back however and carried on with my day. This included a trip to the mall where I started to cry in the jewelry store because the sales clerk just did not understand why I needed two of the exact same lockets and they had to be the ones with angels on them. As I walked around the mall I kept my eyes wide open ready to turn my back or duck into a store should I see someone I knew. Welcome to Crazyland folks! This is now my place of residence.

Just to assure you that I am not completely out to lunch I did make it back to the mall later to finish my shopping without the girls. I managed to buy everything on my list including a pair of nylons and a bathing suit without any type of breakdown. I am positive that this is a sign that I'll make it through. Buying a bathing suit is always a crazy experience never mind the fact that I did it at WALMART!! : )

I also bought a pink dress coat for Monday. I didn't have a coat to wear over my dress and I am not a huge fan of black so I bought pink. For any of you who don't like mourning colors and are attending on Monday consider pink. I think that it is totally appropriate to say good bye to a little girl and it might even make us smile.

Love to you all,

Kristen

PS Thank you Victor and Edna, the lilies are incredible and I can smell them from any room in the house!

13 comments:

  1. A. It's ok to cry at the jewelry store.
    B. There's nothing wrong with buying a bathing suit at Walmart,
    C. It's ok avoid seeing people you know at the mall, and
    D. You are NOT crazy!!!!

    Kristen.. you are amazing and you WILL make it through!!!
    Lorna

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Lorna,
    You made me laugh. Thank you.

    - Mike

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're welcome! I gotta get off your blog now... people are going to think I'm crazy :). See you Monday. I'm going to find something pink to wear!!! Lorna

    ReplyDelete
  4. Our hearts break for you and your family and can't even imagine the heart ache you all must be going through. My husband received an email of your blog site from a co-worker today and i just finished reading it. I was at the mall today too, and wish i could of given you a hug. Your last blog entry "crazyland" took my breath away. Georgia is such a beautiful baby. Our hearts and prayers go out to you and your family.
    Sincerely, Brad & Debbie Darragh

    ReplyDelete
  5. A girlfriend sent me the link to your bog and with tears streaming down my face, I read. I cannot imagine what you are going through and words cannot express our sorrow. We will be wearing pink on Monday in angel Georgia's honour and I WILL spread your story.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I found the obituary in the paper today and on impulse, I copied and pasted your link to this blog. I was hoping not to see any pictures, but of course there were and the sight of your very cute little girl with laughing eyes touched me.

    I join the other readers in adding my condolances and I thank you for allowing me (and others) to join you in this very personal tragady.

    Speaking as an old father, you have reminded me of just how precious our children are.

    You will get through this ... your friends will be there for you.

    Take care

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kristen, you are such a beautiful woman. I would have done the very same thing when seeing Georgia if it were my baby. exactly.
    You are a strong woman & I do truly belive that God does not give us what he does not think we couldn't handle.
    Georgia needed you & Mike and the girls & that is why she blessed your family with her short presence on this earth.
    I applaud you & Mike for your blog & courage to share your time with Georgia with us.
    You two are truly remarkable people.
    You are all in my heart & I pray for peace for your family.

    Kelly Kinash

    ReplyDelete
  8. First of all, you are NOT crazy!! You are a mother dealing with unimaginable pain. You are handling it, and that includes letting yourself break, when you need to. You and Mike will get through this, together, with strength from one another, your family and friends and of course Georgia's strength helping and guiding you. She was leading you all the way along this journey and she will continue to do that. She was blessed with you for parents because she knew you would fight for her, be her voice when she needed you to be....and you were and continue to be that. Your love for your family, friends and all people shines through in all you do. Georgia touched so many hearts and your family's story has as well and that comes from you. You should be so proud of how many people you have already made aware of SMA that would never have heard of it, all because you allowed them into your life and your family into their hearts.
    Praying for you to see and feel the strength we all see in you and for you to feel the love that surrounds you during this time. Love Bruce and Em

    ReplyDelete
  9. Kristen; I am sitting here at 5:00 am reading this, as I could not sleep and was thinking of you. I absolutely love your idea of wearing pink to honor Georgia - never did like the whole black thing. I am thinking of you both as I write this and as I have been doing lately, will go kiss my sleeping children on their foreheads and tell them how much they are loved - in honor of your little Georgie. Love Sherri xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kristen,
    You will soon learn that there is no crazy in grief. I find myself crying in strange places in stores now. I'm glad you found lockets. I had the same idea but I ended up with something totally different and it works as a great reminder for me.

    I'm glad you were able to hold Georgia one more time. I didn't get that chance with Eli and I'm still wondering if perhaps I should have...

    I think the pink is a great idea. Eli's favorite color was red so we had everyone wear red on the day we said goodbye to him. It was nice looking out and seeing so many red shirts; it helped to know that people cared enough to do that little thing for him.

    I wish I had magic words to help you right now, but I'm still pretty early in my loss and am trying to find my way to sanity. Just know that there are so many great moms out there in the SMA community and without them, I don't think I could have made it out of bed at first. They don't mind talking or listening, so email them (or me) if you need support. Many hugs coming your way from Texas.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are not crazy!!!
    You had just gone through the most most beautiful yet painful time any mother could go through, you had just held your beautiful baby Georgia how that must have felt to you i can only imagine. Kristen you are sharing all of this pain with us that is what lets us know what we need to pray for. Also their are probably other parents in a similar situation reading your blog each day who are going through or will be going through losing a child, you`ll never really know how many people you are helping.
    God certainly knew where He was placing Georgia when she came into this world.

    Mike, i don`t know what you are feeling. We always think that a man 'get`s through it". We don`t see his pain and tears and heartache. You and Kristen need each other so much to lean on, cry together and remember all those special moments you have shared with Georgia and your two other precious girls. Love one another.

    Carol

    ReplyDelete
  12. Kristen,

    I echo everyone's sentiments...you are NOT crazy (I say this also because I, too, was at WalMart shopping for a bathing suit yesterday! Maybe you ducked me!!! ;-p I totally understand if you did!) I also picked up some pink today to wear on Monday in memory of your beautiful Georgia.

    Since Tuesday, not an hour goes by that my mind doesn't wander to thoughts of you and your family. With the hundreds of people out there thinking of you and praying for you, I'm positive there is not a second that goes by that someone is not thinking of you guys.

    Georgia will not be forgotten. Even as time goes by, she will still be with us all, in our thoughs...everytime I see something with an angel on it, or a lily, or now even the colour pink, I, along with many others, I'm sure, will think lovingly of Georgia, the beautiful girl you so generously shared with us all.

    Renelle

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am so sorry for your loss.You are definately not crazy and sounds like you are much stronger than I would ever be able to be ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete