Update

It has now been one year since I sent my first email out regarding Georgia's condition. It was in response to an invite for coffee from one of my cousins. I still remember that it was short and sweet, simply stating the Georgie had bronchiolitis and now pneumonia and I wouldn't be able to make it. You know what's sad about that? I still can't remember going out for coffee with my cousin. I'm rather ashamed of that fact. We have to go out in the next couple of weeks Jo. You pick a date and time and I'll make sure that I'm there.

According to Blogger I have written 176 entries since that initial email. In the beginning, it was the responses to my posts that were my therapy but since that time it is the writing itself. That and running have become my outlet to manage the myriad of emotions that I continue to struggle with. Originally I had thought that I would try to write for a year but I now realize that I will continue for much longer than that. Not only does this blog help me to stay sane, it helps me to update friends and family around the world about how we're doing and it has become a piece of me that will be left to the girls one day.

Besides an ugly chest cold that I have been fighting this week we are all doing well. Tomorrow, I will be 30 weeks along and have no health complaints regarding the pregnancy. The baby seems to have flipped and I am now much more comfortable. The mild weather has kept us all busy outside the last few days. Today however, the wind picked up and the temperature dropped. We are expecting snow again but that really isn't much of a surprise around here. I am still hoping to get the seeds started indoors next week. I am trying to make a deal with the baby. I told her that I would plant the garden a week early this year if she promises to stay put. She has not responded however so she may be out there with me! : ) Oh well, despite the trying month ahead this little being continues to remind us that life is full of abundance and hope.

Love to you all,

Kristen

A New Day

Thank you to all of you that sent Calla birthday messages and those of you that sent ideas about teaching charity. Mike and I talked, and Calla has agreed that next year we will ask her friends to bring $10.00, half of which will go to a charity of Calla's choice and half of which will be given to her to pick out a gift on her own. We also liked the allowance idea divided into three jars, 'save, buy and donate'. We'll probably wait one more year on that one so that we can get Maya on board as well. Calla had a great day and seemed quite happy about everything leaving Mike and me to sigh with relief and exhaustion. : )

The sun is shining again today and the girls were out riding their bikes. This has made the beginning of our week that much easier. It was of course on the Monday that I took Georgie into hospital. Her breathing had become so labored that I was starting to feel panicked. The ER team immediately treated her with a mask which seemed to ease her breathing for a while but then it got worse again. A doctor came in to explain to me that she had bronchiolitis and that she was going to be admitted.

I remember that I started to cry in that moment. The doctor looked rather stunned and started to explain to me that it wasn't that serious, babies were admitted all of the time with it and that even her baby boy had spent some time in hospital a few months earlier with the same condition. I remember that I looked over at Georgie and then into her eyes, "You don't understand," I said. "She is going to die" The doctor looked at my poor weak little baby and then looked me in the eyes, one mother to another, and sadly said, "We don't know that."

I still remember exactly what she looks like and what her name is. The reason that I remember her is that she didn't try to patronize or ridicule me. She knew that a mother's instinct was not something to be messed with. She would come up to the PICU just over a week later. Again she just looked me in the eyes, this time not saying a word. We were still waiting on the diagnosis but even she could see that which I had already known.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Happy Birthday Calla!

Dearest Calla,
Six years ago I held you in my arms for the first time in a state of shock. Your full head of 'yellow' hair was quite the sight and your eyes were unbelievably huge. I had no doubt that you were mine however and my heart grew in a way that I never thought possible.

At six years old you love to sit on the couch, cuddle and read stories. I love to read to you and love it even more when you now surprise me by doing the reading.
We love that you still believe in fairies, magic and unicorns.
We love that you are kind and helpful.
We love that you think the Winnipeg winter isn't long enough and are sad to see the snow go! : )
We love watching you skate, swim and swing from the bars at gymnastics.
We love that you are cautious and always stop to grab our hand before crossing the street. We love that you still aren't embarassed by holding our hands.
We love that you always give us hugs and kisses good-bye and good-night.
We love the way that you take each and every new situation in stride with a sense of calm that I find mind blowing.
We love that at six years old you understand that the bonds of love extend beyond what one can see and feel.
We love that despite this last year you are a fun-loving little girl with a huge imagination.
We love that depite our faults you continue to trust and love us with a maturity beyond your years.

Happy Sixth Birthday Calla Wendy! We love you to the moon and back!

Love Mommy, Daddy, Maya and Georgie