It's been almost 3 years since I held you in my arms. I find this idea staggering! How is it that I have survived 3 years without you? We miss you and love you so much. While our lives are continuously busy and always changing the void that you have left is permanent and unmoving.
I think that you would be proud of all of us. Calla remains quiet but she loves school and has lots of friends. She is happy. Maya is growing into a self confident learner and a social butterfly. She too is happy. Both of them remember you.
Aria, the little girl that I know you had a hand in sending us, loves to sing...just like you. What you lacked in physical strength, she has in spades. She loves to climb and jump and one of her favorite tricks is to walk her legs up the back of the couch to show us her handstand!
Your daddy works hard at taking care of all of us. Sometimes when he comes home and your three sisters go running to him I see him glance around for just a second. Despite being loved by three gorgeous little girls his arms sometimes ache to hold another - you. He continues on his quest for health and is in better shape than ever. He too is happy.
It has taken me three years but I feel like I have finally achieved a sense of normalcy. I stay busy with your sisters and have even returned to working. The anxiety that I have struggled with has dissipated. In a couple of weeks I will be speaking at The Children's Hospital Memorial. I consider it an honor. I too am happy.
We will escape tomorrow as we always do. On Saturday we will take a few moments to remember and celebrate you. The best way that I can think of celebrating you is to simply love each other. That is part of the reason that I like getting away. It is our family time without any interruptions.
So, while I find it staggering that is has been almost three years, I feel your presence as much today as I did then. As time marches on we will continue to move forward. The joy that you brought into our lives remains because you are never away from us. You have taught us that love transcends death and we know that you remain forever near. We carry you with us each and every day. We miss seeing your smile and hearing your laugh. We miss your big blue eyes and your amazing singing voice. We miss everything that you were and everything that you could have been but... we know that you are never far away.
"A breath away's not far
to where you are."
Love Mommy
