Lucky Mom

I know that I am lucky despite the fact that I have lost a child. I try to count my blessings every day and continually remind myself what is important. I am far from perfect and sometimes get caught up in the little things. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and frustrated. I sigh when Maya asks for another band aid, Calla still isn't ready or Aria is up yet again.

What I find amazing however, is that these little beings really do appreciate every thing I do. How do I know this? Well, they aren't always saying thank you, or putting their toys away. No. They don't remember to bring their dishes to the counter or throw their clothes in the hamper. No. They certainly don't eat the meals I prepare every day without complaining. No. Half the time they don't even remember to flush! : ) How do I know?

Well, it's the way their faces light up when they see me after only being apart for an hour. It's the way that they reach for my hand when they are unsure or bury their face in my shoulder. It's the way that they blow me kisses and say good night at least ten times. It's the way that they look to me for reassurance and guidance. It's the way they repeat what I say to others (not always in the most flattering way). They will ask me if I am happy, angry or sad. They will hug me and throw themselves at me sometimes when I least expect it. They love me just as much as I love them.

Calla came home on Friday instructing me not to look in her bag. She had a surprise for Mother's Day. Later on after she had removed the surprise I went through her stuff. I found a paper entitled 'Six Thing I love about You!' I asked her if it was part of her surprise. "Nope", she said. "You can read it now!" I tried to take a picture of it to post but the glare from the camera kept washing it out so I am retyping it here. [edit: I've scanned it so you can look at the message in Calla's printing below... -Mike]

Six Thing I Love about You!

I Love the way You cook. I Love wen you cook pasta. I Love how you bake me short bread cookies. I Love You. I love how you hug me and kiss me every day. I love that you are my mom because I Love you and you are the best mom in the world!
Love Calla

See... Three beautiful girls here on earth and one in Heaven watching over all of us. I am a lucky mom to be so loved.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Reflection

I know that it has been a while since I last posted. We are all well. We escaped own to the States for Georgia's angel date without too much trouble. The main highway had been opened on the way home and it was like driving through a lake. There was water as far as we could see on both sides of the road. Because of the floodway, Winnipeg has been spared from a disaster but the communities up north are now under siege.

April has become my quiet month, my Georgie month. I gave myself permission this year to just be. This meant doing a little bit less than usual but it also gave me time to reflect and find calm. Along the way I was interviewed for the Children's Hospital Radiothon airing today, as well as for a piece in the Children's Hospital Annual Report. I had several messages on Saturday from people telling me that they were greeted in the morning by Georgie's beautiful face. The fact that so many of you are quick to recognize her is an amazing feeling. It reminds me that I must be doing something right. My daughter is not forgotten.

May arrived with a dumping of snow but we were also able to attend a memorial at the hospital in memory of all of the young lives lost. We didn't make it last year but were so grateful that Georgie was included again this year. We had a chance to meet some other families and the girls came home with a bunch of flowers and balloons.

Now that we are well into May my quiet month is over. It is time to move forward. May is a big month in our family this year. Aria will be turning 1 on the 22nd. Mike and I are thrilled to be celebrating such a milestone with our little girl. A party is being planned. : )

Love to you all,

Kristen