Housekeeping

I have been letting my entries slip the last couple weeks. My apologies but I have become quite busy. Mike and I have been getting things ready for Georgia's Journey of Hope, the garage sale, Unite for the Cure as well as balancing all of the everyday activites like work, grocery shopping and back to school. Firstly, I want to draw your attention to the right side of our blog where you will now find a link to the fundraiser website. It remains a work in progress and we would love to have any suggestions or feedback about making it better. I plan on spending some time on it after the garage sale.

The flyer announcing the fundraiser should be ready by the end of today. All volunteers will receive a copy via email but if anybody else would like one please contact me. I am still in need of a few volunteers to help with facepainting so if anyone is interested please let me know.

I also wanted to send a big thank you to a few people. Thank you to Carol and Colin Rogers for their generous donation to Unite for the Cure. Thank you to Abby and Natalie Rich for making chocolates to sell at the garage sale. Thank you to Tanya Francis who is working on awareness ribbons to be sold at the garage sale and the fundraiser. Thank you to all of you that have offered and dropped off stuff to be sold and to all of you that are coming at different times to help me get organized. I don't know what I would do without all of you.

Before signing off I just wanted to say to Sue, "The Outlander series is one of my favorite series ever written. I have read the first three books several times and I rarely read a book more than once. Did you know that there is a new book coming out on the 22nd? I won't be touching it until October 4th!" : )



Love to you all,

Kristen

PS Calla starts school tomorrow. Stay tuned for pictures!

Let the Light Shine

Since losing Georgia I have stopped dismissing every coincidence in my life as just that. Sure, I still believe in coincidences but I am often surprised by how the right person, the right book, the right situation etc. will just present itself when I need it most. The other day we received our monthly flyer from the local pizzeria and I was surprised to see that she had included the following passage:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I have had many moments since April 21st where I would love to have hidden under the blankets and shrunk down until people stopped noticing me, but who am I to do that? There are still moments where I would love to just make myself invisible and sneak away unnoticed but I know that is not what I am meant to do. It is not who I am meant to be. I have been given a gift, many gifts actually but the one that I am referring to right now is the one that will have the greatest impact on the rest of my life.

Georgia's life and death has set my life's journey down a new path. A path that is filled with possibilities despite the many twists and turns along the way. It is up to me as her mother to help let her light shine. One of the ways that I do this is by reaching out to others to help me find ways of honouring her. October 3rd will be just one event in a continuous string of ideas and events that we will continue to remind people of the light that she brought with her. In doing so I have been liberated from fears and am learning to shine on my own.

I have no choice but to adopt this tactict you see because I will never just 'fit in' again. I am now the woman that lost the child. I am the woman that people recognize as 'the one that lost that baby'. I know that I am many other things to many people but I also understand how many people see me first. I will never just 'fit in' again. And so the question when one is left to stand alone is, "Do I shy away and try to make myself invisible or... do I rise up...face my fears head on...and let the light shine?"

Love to you all,

Kristen

The Meeting

Thank you to everyone who came to the meeting last night. I think that it went really well and am confident that Georgia's Journey of Hope will be a big success. Several of the volunteers took tickets to sell to family, friends and coworkers. If you would like some tickets to sell please let me know. Please note that you don't need to have a ticket to get in the door. You can just pay the $5.00 entrance fee as you arrive.

My ever so creative and generous friend Tanya(the one who made the bracelets) also came up with the brilliant idea to have awareness ribbons made up. They are hot pink and say,'unite for Georgia' on one end and 'cure SMA' on the other. Thank you yet again Tanya. I have shared this idea with the Strongs and am sure that it will be passed along to all of the uniters.

Another big thank you to Rita for her generous donation for "Unite for the Cure". I have managed to personally put $1700 down towards our goal. I will continue to update all of you.

Next weekend is the big garage sale. Several people have started dropping items off at our house. If you are interested in donating some of your stuff to Pediatric Palliative Care here in Winnpeg please let me know. The girls will be selling lollipops for Unite for the Cure! : )

Am I busy? You betcha! Am I happy? Alot of the time. I am energized, confident and most importantly hopeful! Thank you for helping me get here.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Escape

I have always been an avid reader, well at least from the age of 7. Ask me what I would take to a deserted island and books would be at the top of my list. I'll read almost anything as long as it has a strong story line and well developed characters. Since Georgia's death I have been unable to read the way I used to. Sure I can concentrate for a little while and read the lines but there hasn't been any stories that have grabbed my attention and made me want to read. In fact, there are several books that I have attempted to read since April 21st that lay unfinished in different spots around my house. They are a constant reminder of what I am no longer able to do.

While on holidays however I picked up a new book. It was actually on the couch at Mike's dad's house when I walked in. I had heard lots about it but it didn't sound interesting to me in the least. While I love love stories vampires aren't really my thing and why would I want to read something originally intended for teenagers anyway? So I read the first chapter... and then I read the second. I was surprised that it had piqued my interest. I decided to buy the book (the original was on its way back to Vancouver). I started reading it every night as I waited for the girls to fall asleep while we were away. All of a sudden I found myself thinking about the story at different times of the day and looking forward to 'bedtime'.

By the time that we were driving home I decided that I had better pick up the next book before I finished the first. This lead to a near panic attack as I ran down the aisles of Superstore in Medicine Hat on a Sunday night hoping that they had it. : ) I nearly broke out in a sweat when I had the third book in my hands but couldn't find the second. Eventually, I found it and nearly skipped back to Mike and the girls. After that I was hooked!

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I finally found an escape again. I am sure that psychologists would have a field day with a grieving mother finding escape in the ideas of immortality but I don't care. In the last two weeks I have found a way to totally and completely relax. When I am immersed in the world of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen I can shut out the rest of the world, at least for a little while. For those precious few minutes, sometimes hours the grief is gone.

I am sure that I could list several reasons as to why I love the story but here are just a couple. If you're a psychologist have fun!
Edward Cullen has become something that he never chose to become and certainly never wanted to become. Despite his circumstances he chooses to live a life that is full of love, compassion and empathy. This is a conscious choice on his part and something that he struggles with throughout the story. He and his family are loyal each other and will do whatever it takes to protect each other.
The heroine, Bella is portrayed as somewhat lost and often confused but again bases all of her decisions on selfless love. She refuses to be afraid even in the most dire circumstances. I like these ideas and in the end I loved the story.

The Twilight series was my first escape. I don't think that I'll have another one for quite a while. I don't even plan on picking up a book for at least a month! I am optimistic however that when the time is right I will find an escape yet again. Something that will allow me to feel refreshed and re-energized.

Love to you all,

Kristen

PS The movie sucks compared to the books!!

Block Party

Meet Mark.



Mark had the brilliant idea to organize a block party this year. He actually had the idea last year but we are all too late to jump on it. This year he and some of the other neighbors got organized early enough and we all had a blast on Saturday evening. There was music, a bouncer, face paint, sidewalk chalk and lots of food and drink. Our street isn't a very big one - only ten houses on each side. Even so I still couldn't have told you the name of half of the families on the street before Saturday. I think this has something to do with all of the time we spend indoors during our long winters!

At the block party they had a 50/50 draw and gave half of their earnings to Mike and me for SMA. Thank you to all of our generous neighbors. We will be putting it towards our goal of $5000 for Unite for the Cure. The 50/50 draw along with some generous family members are allowing me to donate $1200 in the next couple of days! Thank you so much. I also want to say thank you to Renelle for hosting a dinner party and asking her guests to donate to our cause as if they were going to a restaurant. Great idea Renelle, you're always so creative and generous.

Here are a couple pics from the block party. Enjoy!







Love to you all,

Kristen

Reminder

Just wanted to remind everyone that one week tonight is the volunteer meeting at my house. It will be at 7:00. Please come with a paper, a pen and your ideas. If you don't have my address please contact me.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Worry

It has been brought to my attention that some of you may be worried about me being in over my head. Some of you are concerned that I may let this whole fundraising thing consume me. My only response to this is, of course I'm in over my head. I've been in over my head since March 16th. Of course I am consumed. Georgia was my baby and she is dead. She was not one of my grandparents or even one of my parents. You won't hear me singing "The Circle of Life" anytime soon. I helped to create her and felt her grow and move within me. She came forth from my body and left it in my arms! Of course I am consumed!

I am not consumed to the point however that I am letting fundraising take over other important parts of my life. My girls are well cared for and happy. Today I played "My Little Ponies" with them and took them swimming with friends. I also had dinner with my family and went to the gym. I am super busy at the moment but my family remains my priority, all of its members.

I am not staying busy to avoid the pain of losing Georgia. The pain remains. I carry it with me every second of every day. I talk about her daily and think about her constantly. Of course I smile and laugh because life remains joyful even with the pain. I will never be the same person that I was before Georgie. I believe myself to be a better person now even though the smiles and laughter don't come quite as easily.

A few months before Georgie became ill I was reading one of Eckhart Tolle's books and one of the things that stuck with me was that he says that worrying is an absolute waste of time. It serves no purpose whatsoever. No purpose because it changes nothing. I found this idea very liberating. I believe that it is only action that can change things. And so I have chosen to take action even if that means I am in over my head. Even if that means others worry about me. Please stop.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Home!

We arrived home last night around 6:30 and guess what had finally showed up.

That's right! The stargazers have finally decided to make an appearance. While my garden was way too mucky to really spend any time in it, I also spotted some cucumbers as big as they are at the grocery store! I think that I may actually have a real garden!



In the 26 hours that I have been home I have managed to do a few things besides laundry and unpacking. I contacted one place and they have offered to donate the bouncer and a cotton candy machine. I'll let you all know once it has all been confirmed. Thank you Jaime! I have also contacted a t-shirt place that wants to help me. I have been thinking that I will have t-shirts made up that say "Georgia's Journey of Hope" and have her foot prints transferred onto them. I am considering selling them for $15.00 for kids and $20.00 for adults. That would mean that approximately $7-$11 from each t-shirt would be donated to Unite for a Cure. At this point I am just wondering if anyone would actually be interested. I'm not asking you to commit to buying anything, only trying to estimate how many to order. If you are interested please let me know.

Today the girls and I spent the afternoon and evening soaking up the sunshine. Before signing off I thought that I would share some pictures from our holiday. Thanks again to our family and friends who put us up, had us for meals or just hung out with us. We had a blast! And Carol, the girls have been carrying their Cabbage Patch Dolls everywhere!

Love to you all,

Kristen

Here We Go!

Alright, it seems to be all set up. Have you done any thinking? Have you come up with any creative ideas? As mentioned in the previous post I have signed up to help raise $5000 to help fund the trials down in California. Yes, a cure really is that close! Are you in? Do you want to help? If you would like to make a donation please go to www.uniteforthecure.com and click on "donate". You can use your credit card or send in a cheque. If you are donating because I am asking you to then I ask that you include Georgia's name. For all of my non-American readers I don't think that we'll be qualifying for tax receipts but think about what you are doing. Better yet, think about who you are helping!

Georgie died four months ago today. That's 122 days. She has placed me on a path that I never imagined exploring and yet I continue to do so even when I have no idea where I'm going. She has brought out the best in me and shown me that I am capable of all kinds of things. When I first heard about the Unite For the Cure I couldn't sleep. I wasn't sure that I would be able to raise the $5000 but I knew that I had to try. I refuse to be haunted by the memory of my baby. I refuse to tell the Strong's that I won't try because I'm not sure that I can do it. If somebody had said that to me when Georgie was still breathing I think that I would have 'clocked' them. So once again I am asking you to join me. Fight with me! We couldn't save Georgie but we can save so many others!

At the moment I am coming up with some ideas of useful and or edible things to sell to raise some of the money. Please share any ideas that you may have.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Something Bigger

Have you ever felt like you wanted to be a part of something that is bigger than yourself? Have you ever felt like you could be doing more but you're not sure what? Well, the Strong's have put out a challenge asking us all to do more and I have accepted. In a nutshell, the very promising stem cell trials down in California are lacking funding. The Strong's are asking 20 families affected by SMA to raise $5000 each raising a total of $100 000. This money will help to bridge the funding gap to come up with $500 000. Let me make this clear. Mike and I don't have $5000 just lying around to hand over. In fact, when I first read the post on www.gwendolynstrong.com I felt uncomfortable. I feel a little bit like I am being pushed outside of my comfort zone and taking on a challenge that I'm not sure how to complete.

Georgia's Journey of Hope on October 3rd has commited itself to donating all proceeds to FSMAC. I promise you that this will be a very affordable and family friendly event. Mike and I are eating the cost of the fundraiser so every penny you spend that day will be donated directly to FSMAC. You'll get food, fun, fellowship and a chance to win great prizes. That sounds good right! Now I'm asking you to push past your comfort zone.

As I have stated Mike and I do not have $5000 just lying around. Truthfully, we could probably come up with the money but I am hoping that you will want to help us. I am asking you to think outside the box and be creative. Would you consider donating you coffee money to the cause? What about some of your lunch money? Would you consider selling some of your children's clothing or toys and donate the money to help save a child from the same fate as our Georgie? What about asking some of your coworkers for a toonie towards a cure?

Now many of you are uncomfortable. I don't blame you. Asking people for money is hard. Giving away money without getting a tax receipt is hard for some people too. To all of you I say this...How uncomfortable do you think it feels to hear a doctor pronounce a death sentence on your child? How uncomfortable do you think it is to watch as their muscles slowly weaken to the point that they are paralyzed and need help breathing? How uncomfortable do you think it is to hold your baby in your arms as they take their last breath? How uncomfortable do you think it is to watch a pretty little pink casket get lowered into the earth?

Now, how uncomfortable do think it is to look into your dying daughter's eyes and know that $500 000 is all that stands between life and death. What would you do? If you're still at a loss then look into Georgie's eyes. I have no doubt that she will inspire you.

I am asking you to join us. I don't want you giving money that you can't afford or are giving in annoyance. I want you to become part of something bigger, to do something more.

I am still working on the details with Victoria Strong. More information to follow. Please just think about it.

Love to you all,

Kristen

PS The mountains are beautiful!