Welcome to Georgia's Journey

Georgia Lily Lucas was born at home on October 6th, 2008 4:15am, in Winnipeg, Manitoba. She was diagnosed with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) on April 1, 2009.

On April 3rd Georgia was taken home, to be near her sisters and the rest of her family and friends. Nearly three weeks later, on April 21, 2009, she died peacefully -- in the loving arms of her mother and in the same room in which she was born.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Failure

It has been three weeks since I watched my baby take her last breath. During those last few moments I remember silently willing her to continue breathing. I would gladly have given every last breath in my body just to know that she would have had a chance. But that wasn't to be. Instead I am left here, left to mourn and to continue on even when I don't want to or feel like it.

Grieving is a brutal process. It knocks you down into pits of darkness only to let you grasp your way back up to the top and find that you are still surrounded by darkness. Occasionally, you catch a glimpse of light but it never seems to last for very long and it's never very bright. It is enough however to sometimes offer hope. Even the tiniest bit of hope can keep someone going. As you stumble through this journey called grief you find yourself thrown back into that pit over and over only to begin climbling again.

The light comes in many forms, sometimes a silly story from a two year old or the laughter of a 5 year old. Other times it is a message from a friend or that silly robin that loves to wake me up in the morning. Most often however, it is the memory of a baby fighting until the end. That memory forces me up and out of that hole, because if I can't continue fighting then I have failed her. Failing Georgia would leave me without hope and so I continue on.

Please keep forwarding the petition on. Failing Georgia is not an option.

Love to you all,

Kristen

6 comments:

  1. Love you Kristen.
    xoxo
    Jo

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  2. You don't know me but I have been reading your blog faithfully since I heard of it from Krista. My heart aches for you and your family during this difficult time. Georgia has touched so many in her life, it is truly amazing! Every time I read, I am astounded at your ability to capture your journey with such eloquent words and strength. Keep fighting on because Georgia would want you too and Mike, Calla, and Maya need you to. Keep fighting to find your light.
    Jenn

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  3. You have never, and will never, fail Georgia. You have made her and so many others so proud already and although there may only be glimpses of light right now, it will get stronger and last longer....it is just such a slow and painful road. Calla and Maya of course bring you joy, but I know also will remind you of what you won't have with Georgia, again, all part of the process. Georgia was here for a short time but has impacted so many-we don't know why some are chosen to only be with us for a short time, it might help if we knew, but we do know that Georgia was a little one that even in her short time did reach so many people and with your help will continue to do that and teach so much more!
    On those days you are fighting to reach the top, don't forget there are so many ready to help pull you up-we can't take away the pain, but even little things we can do to help you get through a day, an hour even, we are here-I know it isn't easy to ask for help, but please do.
    As for forwarding on the petition, we will never stop doing that and telling people about SMA until a cure is found and other families don't have to suffer this devastation.
    I know there are so many good things to come. You are doing, and will continue to do Georgia so proud-she IS smiling down on you, today and always!
    Love Em

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  4. Georgia knew how much you loved her, that`s why she felt safe and relaxed as she lay in your arms and breathed her last breath .Surrounded by your loving arms she could leave knowing she was safe and secure in your love. Now she`s in a place where she can breathe peacefully without her little body being exhausted.

    Grieving is brutal.It demolishes you. You don`t know how or when that light will start to get bigger and last longer, but as hard as it is to believe right now, that that will happen, it really will.Your in a deep pit right now as time passes you will climb slowly out of it, very slowly.

    It will take your two girls, Mike and friends to help you through.Your Georgia is looking down with so much love knowing that when her mommy is well enough she will do all she can to help find a cure for this dreadful disease.

    Our love and prayers are with you all, we`ve sent your petition to the UK. New Zealand and Australia as well as Canada and the States.This petition will go through.It will go through with the power of the love of all of the families touched by this disease and all of the friends who care so much about them.

    God bless Carol and Colin

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  5. Kristen,
    the days must seem long and the nights even longer. you are grieving and will continue to grieve forever for Georgia. your loss is unbearable right now and we all understand that. you are doing an amazing job though and you need to know that. every morning you wake up and handle the day whether it is dark as can be or has a little light in it. I saw you at the carnival on sunday with your family and i was so proud of you! Your girls were having a great time riding the rides and you were there with them. Watching them, smiling at them. You are doing it Kristen whether you know it or not. Your strength may feel like it is weakening but your girls, husband and friends will continue to help you through. Just know that everyone who reads this supports you through prayers and thoughts.
    Keep going...you are a pillar of strength!
    Be well!

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  6. Kristen,
    I saw your story in the Lance, and immediately recongnized you from gymkyds from your picture. I am so very sorry for your loss, and struggle to find the words I wish to say. I wish that I had taken more time to get to know you and your children. My heart breaks for you,I am crying for your pain, for you and your familiy's loss. It sounds like you are doing the best you can for you and your children. You are doing a wonderful job, and you are inspiring. The way you talk about Georgia and how much she taught you in her short time , how she is a gift, all true. I will not say any cliches, you dont want to hear them, but just know that I truly hope they find a cure very soon, and that I am so sorry.
    Julie Morrice

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