We have been quietly staying busy around here the last couple of weeks. The weather finally warmed up earlier this week only to greet us with below zero temperatures this morning and a windchill!! No fun. At least we've had the bikes out for a couple of weeks now. It's kind of funny that my kids have had to take off their toques to put on their helmets and then they ride around with their mitts on! : ) Mike's sister Peggy came out for a visit over the weekend and to celebrate Mike's birthday which we did on Monday. I'm pretty sure that his favorite gift is a book about breadmaking!! He also requested one on pizza dough but doesn't seem quite as excited about it. Bread making has become his passion and I'm not complaining!

Mike and the girls with his birthday pie.

This one I just put up for fun. Check out the teeth! : )

Love to you all,

Kristen

Shattered

If I had only one word to describe April 1st 2009, it would be 'shattered'. Just after lunch we would receive Georgia's diagnosis. SPINAL MUSCULAR ATROPHY. In that moment it was like somebody had taken a sledge hammer to my fragile glass life and smashed it into a million pieces. It would turn my world upside down and cause me to question everything I thought I had ever known. How was this possible? How could these doctors be telling me that my beautiful, perfect little girl was dying? How had I unknowingly passed on this horrendous terminal disease? How would we care for her? How would we care for Calla and Maya? Why was this happening? Did we do something to deserve this? How would we all survive?

The palliative care team would arrive shortly after the team meeting. Somehow this team of two would start to answer some of these questions providing us reassurance and a new sense of hope. I am still struggling with some...okay many of the answers even two years later. Every once in a while I will feel that sense of panic and see my life in a million pieces. Every once in a while I will doubt myself and the decisions that we made regarding caring for Georgia.

I continually remind myself that all of our decisions were made out of love. All of the decisions that Mike and I continue to make with Calla, Maya and Aria continue to be made out of love. I know that we didn't do anything to deserve this. I know that we will all survive. More than ever, I know what hope and forgiveness are. I now understand that even though our family's life was shattered that fateful April 1st and again on the 21st, it is love that not only puts the pieces back together but it holds them in place. That bond is stronger than ever.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Milestones

Well, yesterday marked ten months for Aria. When people ask about her I find myself constantly saying, "Aria is EVERYWHERE!" She now pulls herself up onto anything higher than her knees and cruises around the furniture. She also crawls up the stairs and would love to have the opportunity to go down them head first but I put my foot down!! : ) She absolutely loves the vacuum. In fact, I'd venture to say that the vacuum may be her best friend. She giggles and gets excited the minute that she sees it and laughs out loud if the girls play with her and the toy one.

Today is my dad's 65th birthday. We celebrated with balloons, steak and lobster and of course, a gift certificate to Golf Town! My dad seems a bit sheepish about celebrating. Two years ago there wasn't alot to be happy about. The day was overshadowed by Georgie's illness and hospitalization. We were still waiting on results but all knew that there was something seriously wrong. 65 is a huge milestone however and Georgie would love to know that we were all together today.

Happy Birthday Dad! Happy Birthday Grumpa! We love you and want to celebrate many, many more birthdays together.

Love to you all,

Kristen

A Long Week

Well, yesterday we finally managed to take the girls out for dinner and celebrate Calla's birthday as a family. We were supposed to go out last Monday but Calla picked up a really bad cold. Because she is asthmatic she gets hit pretty hard and often gets a fever. By Tuesday however, her fever had broken and I thought that she was on the mend. Wednesday she still seemed quite sluggish but we had everything ready to go back to school that evening. Thursday she came downstairs, lie down on the couch and her fever was up over 103.

By Thursday evening I fully admit that I was fighting anxiety. Maya also had a fever at this point and I was worried that Calla was developing pneumonia. Nightmarish memories of Georgia in hospital kept threatening to overwhelm me as I tried to stay calm and rational. Friday morning Maya was showing signs of recovery but Calla still didn't look good so Mike took her in. She didn't have pneumonia but the doctor thought something was brewing so he started her on some antibiotics - first time in her 7 years.

Yesterday morning she was a new kid again! : ) I am now breathing a sigh of relief regarding my own children but am saddened to learn that another kiddo earned her wings on Friday. You can learn about Ashley's story by clicking here or on the link entitled Our Two Angels on the right hand side.

Give your little ones and extra hug and kiss tonight. They really are so precious!

Love to you all,

Kristen

St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Paddy's Day!!

Calla and Maya are both resting so I have only one Irish baby to show off today!

Love to you all,

Kristen

2 year ago

Two years ago today I placed Georgia in her bucket seat for the last time and walked into Emergency. I left the girls with my mom and would not return home for 18 days (at least to stay). I would not be fully present in Calla and Maya's lives for weeks. The memories are hard to think about and yet they are ever present.

I had hoped to celebrate Calla's birthday today as she has been sick since Sunday but she still wasn't well enough. Instead, I spent the day inside with all three girls. It felt good in many ways. We had no place to go and really nothing to do except to be together.

After supper I took Maya to Old Navy because she really wanted a St. Patrick's Day shirt. : ) It was raining and she was absolutely delighted. She squealed with delight when she saw a patch of grass or we hit a giant puddle. When we got there she insisted on putting up her umbrella even though it was only sprinkling. We didn't find a shirt in the end, but we had lots of fun looking around.

It's funny how something as simple as a trip to the store with Maya can make me smile. She was in such a good mood that it was contagious. At some point I realized how lucky I am that Maya can still be such a bundle of energy and enthusiasm. Two years ago I left her and she would change in a way that left her hard to recognize. Today however, she was the Maya I once knew - Self confident and fun, easy going and full of laughter, ready for adventure and mischievous.

As the memories start to come hard and fast as I know they will, I am going to hold onto my evening with Maya. Moving forward isn't always easy but with Maya around she's practically pulling me along. : )

Love to you all,

Kristen

PS Calla is feeling much better tonight and we are hoping that she will be back to normal tomorrow.

7 Years Old!

Calla,

At seven you have discovered the world of silly bands, sketchers, DSIs and BFFs. In the last year you have grown into a self confident girl who knows how to do and get what she wants. You have started to question the world, wondering if Santa and the Tooth Fairy could possibly be real. You could walk to school by yourself but allow me the pleasure of accompanying you. You are a very kind little girl who always looks for the best in people. You are a hard worker who always has time to help others.

At seven you can now read simple chapter books, ride a two wheel bike and do an awesome cartwheel. You can also swim from one side of the pool to the other and love to sit at the bottom. : ) You absolutely love the snow and could play outside for hours. You are an amazing big sister and daughter. We love you more than words could ever say and consider it a privilege to be your parents.

Happy 7th Birthday!

Love Mommy and Daddy (or should I just say mom and dad)

Birthday Party

Well, two years ago we approached Calla's 5th birthday with a sense of foreboding, a feeling that as soon as the party was done our lives would take a turn for the worse...and of course that is exactly what happened. Yesterday however, we celebrated Calla's 7th birthday at Petland and it was a fun time for all involved.

Calla decided, on her own, that she would like to collect ten dollars (as suggested last year) and keep 5 while donating 5 to the Winnipeg Humaine Society. She is very happy and proud to be donating $80 to our local pet shelter. She is also excited about buying herself something but she hasn't quite figured out what that is yet.

Originally, she had wanted a dog this year and while we weren't totally on board we know that one is definitely in our future so we had some long discussions on responsibility etc. Calla is now thinking that she would like to wait one more year before taking on such a HUGE responsibility!! I have no idea how I ended up with such a level headed and rational little girl but she always surprises me. My brother and I were having a good laugh the other day because we fully acknowledge that we would never have thought twice about the responsibility. We just wanted a dog!! Calla is way more mature that we ever were!! LOL

Enjoy the pictures!




Calla checking out the Siamese cat.


Maya and Anna petting the bunny.


Baby Gecko and the bird


The cake.



Make a wish!!

Love to you all,

Kristen

Riding the Coaster

I haven't written much lately. It's not that I haven't wanted to...it just hasn't happened. The reasons for such have become complex and convoluted. I wanted to write a couple of weeks ago and tell everyone how we escaped down to Grand Forks for my birthday (Maya's idea of course). It's amazing how just getting away for a couple of days can relax and rejuvenate someone. I spent the day swimming with the girls and shopping. We went out for supper of course, and I had deep fried cheesecake for dessert. Imagine the calories!!! : ) It was a great day and I didn't cry once. Even the girls noticed that mommy was happy on her birthday this year.

Upon returning home however, Aria developed a chest cold that she is still getting over. There were a few days where Mike and I were both holding our breath praying that we wouldn't have to take her in. We fully understand that she is a healthy baby and does not have SMA but chest colds in babies can turn nasty quickly and we didn't want to have her in hospital.

Thankfully, her cold has gotten much better but she now has a minor ear infection which isn't making anything easier. I keep crossing my fingers that she will wake up better tomorrow. Last night she and I slept for a five hour stretch leaving us both a little more energetic.

I have kept up with my running. The motto continues to be 'Just One Mile' but many days I'll run 2-3 miles. The running seems to be keeping me from sinking but I find myself still struggling. March and April aren't easy months around here. Yesterday, as many of you know I went to register Maya for soccer at the community club. I was feeling really excited for her and was happy that there was no line up. Just as I was leaving I saw some of the parents arriving for the Parent and Twos class. I used to take Maya and Georgia there when Calla was in school. As I stood there I realized that I would have been there again with Georgie and Aria this time (Maya is now in school). It was sudden but not surprising how fast and hard 'the truck' hit. I left feeling completely deflated and sad. Thankfully, it was a busy day and I didn't have a lot of time to feel sorry for myself.

In fact, we spent part of the evening at Calla's school where our perfect little student showed us all of the things that she is working on. Calla remains excited about school and hates to miss a day. She loves her friends and her teacher. Sometimes I refer to her as 'my rock'. Right now, she is just so well adjusted and stable. She truly is an amazing little being. : )

And so the roller coaster continues...

Love to you all,

Kristen

9 Months

Yesterday our little Aria turned nine months old and she is definitely starting to show us what she can do. She now pulls herself up onto just about everything...tables, chairs, window sills, legs etc. In fact, yesterday she somehow pulled herself up against the wall! Today she moved from the window sill to her ball track. If you hold her by the hands she'll start walking and sometimes she'll even try to stand on her own. We are in such big trouble!!!

We took Aria swimming for the first time this past weekend. Maya was absolutely delighted by the number of bathing suits that Aria has. Five - that's right the baby has 5 bathing suits and just went swimming for the first time. LOL In all fairness, 3 of them are hand-me-downs and the other two were gifts. They're all super cute so we have to use all of them! : ) Aria loved the pool. She loved splashing in the water, floating around and watching all of the kids.

Aria continues to babble whenever she's happy. She'll often try to say 'hi' when she sees someone and will wave 'bye bye' when she's in the right mood. She has also started to play strange with people that she doesn't see very often. The best part about this stage is how excited she gets when she sees people that she recognizes. Daddy gets a very enthusiastic welcome when he comes home from work every day.





Love to you all,

Kristen