Every once in a while somebody will send me a message thanking me for sharing my grief so publicly. They'll often send me notes expressing how nice it is for someone to say what so many of us are feeling and thinking but don't usually share. This got me to thinking about why that is. Why is it so shameful to openly grieve in our society? Why are so many of us uncomfortable not just with the idea of death but with the idea of publicly demonstrating how much it hurts when we lose someone we love? Don't get me wrong, I am not any better with it.
I'm sure that many of you that have read this blog from day one feel like I have expressed my feelings openly but the truth is that my posts are often edited for audience purposes. Meaning, that I'll often write exactly how I am feeling, then realize that it's too raw and start tweaking it so that it doesn't sound as harsh. I haven't done this in a long time but in the beginning I did it a lot.
Most people won't see me cry when talking about Georgia. This isn't because it doesn't happen but because even I am uncomfortable crying in front of others...even though my child died. I have actually stood stoically by as some of my friends have cried. That could just be a personality thing but I think that our society plays a part in it too.
I am no better than anyone else when it comes to comforting someone that is hurting. I often struggle for words and am afraid that I'll say the wrong thing. I do know however, that often the best thing to do is just to be quiet and listen. Yes. Shutting up is often the best approach!! : )
For those of you that wonder I still struggle every day. Deep breaths, running, writing, praying, singing, playing etc. All of these things help but some days can be really long, especially at this time of year. Tonight on the treadmill as I was running and waiting for that high I played a song that is guaranteed to bring it. The lyrics to Walk On often move me even when I feel stuck. I never have enough breath to sing the words (that and I can't sing AT ALL) but I will try to say them aloud as I run. The power of song is amazing! So for all of you still hurting, find a song that moves you, that lifts you up, that makes you feel something, ANYTHING and walk on.
And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight
............
And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on
U2 - All That You Can't Leave Behind
Love to you all,
Kristen
Shores of Grief ~ 15 Years
1 week ago
Hugs. I too appreciate you being honest, and thank you for sharing these lyrics. You are truly an inspiration, Kristen.
ReplyDeleteOh there is so much I'd like to say to you about what you just wrote....
ReplyDeleteI'm thankful that I've been able to keep my blog somewhat 'private.' Only a couple of people who I know offline know about it, the rest of my readers are people who I only know online. Because of this, my blog has definately been the dumping grounds for some of my darkest feelings, and I've never had to censor much of what I write because of this. On the other hand, there have been times when I've wanted to post the link on my forehead so that the whole world could try to understand a little more clearly the devastation that had become my life.
I love that song! I haven't heard it in years, but I am going to have to add it to my playlist. That is all you can do - Take one step at a time...