I haven't been feeling much like writing lately. Mostly because I am just tired. Not tired of writing or anything like that. Just plain physically exhausted, doggone tired. Aria spent the first four months of her life sleeping like a champ but the last few months she has started waking more and more often. There have been nights in the last few weeks where we have been up ten times or more. I don't really want to complain or look for sympathy here. I know how blessed I am to have a beautiful happy baby and I know that it is EASY to wake up and tend to a healthy one.
When Georgie was sick I lived on very little sleep. I knew that her time here was limited and so I spent every second I could with her. When I did sleep I was constantly aware of the hum of the oxygen, the beeps of the bipap and kangaroo pump etc. If she made the tiniest little peep I would jump up and make sure that she was okay. I was in a constant state of adrenaline. Sleep was an escape when it actually happened. The worst part however, was that upon waking I always realized that my life was actually the nightmare and there was no escaping it.
Mike and I will both admit that Aria is totally spoiled with love. The girls and us cannot get enough of her. She almost never cries because there is always somebody there ready to see to her needs including at night. Waking up with Aria however, has started to wear on me. I wake up exhausted and have very little energy. The cold weather doesn't help much either. I have had had thrush so many times that I have lost count - always when I am super tired. I hardly ever feel like running because if I do have the time I just want to lie down.
Back in September as we started spending less time outside Aria started fighting her naps. She seemed to always be awake. I could lay her down awake and she would play, fuss, cry in her bed for over an hour. Sometimes she would fall asleep for 5-20 minutes and then she would be up and ready to play. There was nothing I could do to get her back to sleep, including leaving her alone. Sometimes she would fall asleep in the car or while I was nursing her but that never lasted longer than 40 minutes. Eventually, this lead to more nighttime waking.
Now Aria is my fourth child and I have read many books on how to get babies to sleep. Calla didn't sleep at all for the the first 6 months of her life. Poor little thing was always crying. Remember Shannon? Eventually, I managed to start getting her to sleep and she remains a great sleeper to this day. Maya went through a phase of wakefulness but we survived that too. Aria is just different. They're all different!
The last few nights with Aria have been better and I am hoping that we are on the upswing. I can handle getting up once or twice a night but any more than that leaves me feeling less than adequate. We have just started getting back into a regular routine with Calla and Maya so hopefully I can help Aria to find one that works for everyone. She remains a happy and active baby. I can't believe how much she has grown and how much she can do. So again, I don't really want to complain or look for sympathy. I am just tired...
Love to you all,
PS As I am writing this Aria is pulling on my netbook cord with all her might! : )
8 Years an Angel
2 weeks ago