Welcome to Georgia's Journey

Georgia Lily Lucas was born at home on October 6th, 2008 4:15am, in Winnipeg, Manitoba. She was diagnosed with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) on April 1, 2009.

On April 3rd Georgia was taken home, to be near her sisters and the rest of her family and friends. Nearly three weeks later, on April 21, 2009, she died peacefully -- in the loving arms of her mother and in the same room in which she was born.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Tired

I haven't been feeling much like writing lately. Mostly because I am just tired. Not tired of writing or anything like that. Just plain physically exhausted, doggone tired. Aria spent the first four months of her life sleeping like a champ but the last few months she has started waking more and more often. There have been nights in the last few weeks where we have been up ten times or more. I don't really want to complain or look for sympathy here. I know how blessed I am to have a beautiful happy baby and I know that it is EASY to wake up and tend to a healthy one.

When Georgie was sick I lived on very little sleep. I knew that her time here was limited and so I spent every second I could with her. When I did sleep I was constantly aware of the hum of the oxygen, the beeps of the bipap and kangaroo pump etc. If she made the tiniest little peep I would jump up and make sure that she was okay. I was in a constant state of adrenaline. Sleep was an escape when it actually happened. The worst part however, was that upon waking I always realized that my life was actually the nightmare and there was no escaping it.

Mike and I will both admit that Aria is totally spoiled with love. The girls and us cannot get enough of her. She almost never cries because there is always somebody there ready to see to her needs including at night. Waking up with Aria however, has started to wear on me. I wake up exhausted and have very little energy. The cold weather doesn't help much either. I have had had thrush so many times that I have lost count - always when I am super tired. I hardly ever feel like running because if I do have the time I just want to lie down.

Back in September as we started spending less time outside Aria started fighting her naps. She seemed to always be awake. I could lay her down awake and she would play, fuss, cry in her bed for over an hour. Sometimes she would fall asleep for 5-20 minutes and then she would be up and ready to play. There was nothing I could do to get her back to sleep, including leaving her alone. Sometimes she would fall asleep in the car or while I was nursing her but that never lasted longer than 40 minutes. Eventually, this lead to more nighttime waking.

Now Aria is my fourth child and I have read many books on how to get babies to sleep. Calla didn't sleep at all for the the first 6 months of her life. Poor little thing was always crying. Remember Shannon? Eventually, I managed to start getting her to sleep and she remains a great sleeper to this day. Maya went through a phase of wakefulness but we survived that too. Aria is just different. They're all different!

The last few nights with Aria have been better and I am hoping that we are on the upswing. I can handle getting up once or twice a night but any more than that leaves me feeling less than adequate. We have just started getting back into a regular routine with Calla and Maya so hopefully I can help Aria to find one that works for everyone. She remains a happy and active baby. I can't believe how much she has grown and how much she can do. So again, I don't really want to complain or look for sympathy. I am just tired...

Love to you all,

Kristen

PS As I am writing this Aria is pulling on my netbook cord with all her might! : )

3 comments:

  1. You may not be looking for sympathy but I am sending it anyway-waking up all night is awful, regardless of how thankful you are for a happy, healthy baby-I get that!!
    Spoiled with love, the best kind of spoiling!
    Thinking of you and going to try to give you a call this aft....lets talk about going away for some sun! :-) Hugs, Em

    ReplyDelete
  2. So sorry you're not getting enough sleep...I am no good when I am not getting sleep so I know how you must be feeling. Ella is a good sleeper, but sometimes she doesn't want to take afternoon naps even when she's super tired. If that happens we put her in her Jolly Jumper and let her jump til she is almost asleep. Then I nurse her and put her in her swing. She's so worn out that she will often sleep a few hours at a time. Do you have a Jolly Jumper? Ella loves hers and I bet Aria would like to jump in one too. They are made in Canada, funny enough. Here's hoping you get some sleep!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't feel at all guilty about not being overly appreciative of being up 10 times a night. Acknowledging that that's wearing on you is human, totally normal, and does not mean that you don't know what a blessing a healthy baby is.

    And I sure do hope it gets better soon! I am a basket case without sleep - it was my biggest worry about becoming a mom actually!

    ReplyDelete