To Love Anew

Well, Aria's labor didn't go exactly as planned but then again nothing about Aria has ever been planned...at least by me. Granted we did choose to get pregnant with her consciously but I really believed that I would never be given another girl. Wrong! The truth is that I have never imagined myself being a parent to four girls but here I am. After Georgia was born we had pretty much decided that we were probably done having children. Wrong! And, after birthing 3 babies with relative ease, then the fourth should pretty much walk out right?! Wrong!

My water broke around 4:30 am Saturday morning WHILE I WAS IN BED! That never happens! I mean I wasn't even doing anything. My water broke with Maya and Georgia minutes before they were born. So, I got myself cleaned up and tried to go back to sleep. After a few big contractions I decided to get up and get showered. Mike and I made our way over to the hospital around 6:30. At that point my contractions were around 5 minutes apart and weren't very strong. I had told my mom before leaving that it was going to be a LONG day.

A short while after arriving at the hospital my contractions spaced out even more and stopped altogether. The nurses assured me that they would start me on Pitocin around 10:30 that morning if they didn't pick back up. Mike and I had breakfast and walked and walked. Later on we had lunch and then decided to have a rest. Finally, around 4:00 I received a room and the drip was started a short while later.

By 10:30 pm, 6 hours on the drip, and now enduring hard contractions they told me that I had made no progress. The long day was starting to wear on Mike and I. The doctor came in at one point and told us not to get discouraged. She was confident that as soon as the Pitocin really kicked in Aria would be born in record time. My confidence was shot and so was Mike's.

It was around this time that he said out loud, "I only hope that we can love her as much as we love Georgia." At first I was shocked and then I realized that Mike hasn't been able to feel this baby grow and move daily for the last several months. All of a suddent, I started to wonder too. Our love for Calla, Maya and Georgia were absolute. Was it possible to love another little being after losing one that we cherished? Was it really possible to love her as much as the one we had originally planned for? Was it possible to love her as much as the one I had not only brought into the world, but had held as she left it? Could I love her as fiercely as I love my other three children?

She arrived just over an hour later. The doctor had been absolutely right. 4 to 10 cm in an hour and approximately 10 minutes of pushing. There was a moment of hushed silence as they placed her on my chest. Everybody that had joined us in that room knew our family story. Everybody in that room stared at her in awe just like we did. There was no doubt that she was ours. There was no doubt that that we already loved her. There was no doubt that in that moment she held our heart in her little hands. A feeling that remains.

Love to you all,

Kristen