Kids often say the funniest things. They are so honest and carefree and don't worry about hurting people's feelings when they ask questions or express opinions. Despite being caught in some uncomfortable conversations with little ones since Georgia became sick I still love what they come up with. Their straight forwardness allows us brief glimpses into what they are really thinking...unlike adults who have learned how to lie and hide feelings.
The other day one of Calla's little friends asked what my pendant says. For those of you that don't know I wear a pendant everyday with the words Calla, Maya Georgia on it. It was a gift from friends and I treasure it. It has really become just as much a part of me as my wedding ring. So I read the words to the little girl and she then asked me with all of her innocence why I didn't erase Georgia's name because she died? I do admit that it took me a second to recover before I told her that Georgia remains just as much my little girl as Calla and Maya. She accepted my response with a big smile and off she went to play.
Then there was another day when I could hear Calla and a friend having a conversation about siblings. At one point her friend told her that she would only have two sisters because Georgia had died. I was just coming around the corner about to intervene when I saw my daughter set her jaw and reply in a very firm voice, "Just because Georgia is in Heaven doesn't mean that she isn't my sister. So, actually I will have three sisters. There will be four of us." That's my girl!! I could not have been more proud in that moment. My 5 year old had handled the situation perfectly.
For the last nine months I have been feeling so bad for Calla and Maya. I can accept my fate but I admit to struggling daily with what my girls have been dealt. They didn't do anything to deserve what happened and they are just starting to understand the world. I have often worried about how losing Georgia would affect their self esteem, how they would view the world, and how they would handle situations later on in life. Mike and I have always considered Georgia our gift and we believe that she was sent into our lives to set us down different/better paths. Why did she have to leave Calla and Maya though? I've always believed that Calla and Maya were the innocent bystanders caught in the crossfire.
As I watch my girls grow and change however my view is starting to change. Calla and Maya would never ask me to erase Georgia's name from anything nor would they not consider her their sister because she is in Heaven. They understand more than most children that the bonds of love extend well beyond what one can see and touch. They understand that a life, even a short one has meaning and can have a huge impact on those around it. What is even more extraordinary is that they seem to be teaching others these lessons as well.
While I remain sad that my girls were separated physically, I feel so blessed to have children that understand that love really does remain the strongest emotion and cannot be broken by distance or even death. Calla and Maya were not just caught in the crossfire. Their lives have changed paths as well. It will take a lifetime to see how Georgia's life and death has affected them but I don't feel so bad for them anymore. Georgia was their gift just as much as she was Mike's and mine.
Love to you all,
8 Years an Angel
2 weeks ago