From the moment a woman knows that she is pregnant (at least under positive circumstances) her body does this amazing job of keeping that baby alive. The baby receives all of the nutrients it needs to grow bigger and stronger from day to day and it remains protected until it is ready to enter the world. If a mother hasn't already figured it out she very quickly realizes that her main job is to keep this amazing little being alive.
In the early days life revolves around making sure that the baby is fed, comfortable and gaining weight. As time goes on we struggle to make sure our little ones are stimulated... that they learn about the world, that they become independent and that with any luck they take with them some of the morals that we've tried to instill. While all of these things are important, the minute that we are hit with a crisis a mother, or a father for that matter realizes that their most important job as a parent is to keep that child safe, in other words to keep that child alive.
So this has been a hard week for me. Georgia not being here to celebrate her first birthday is a reminder that I as her mother have failed. Don't get me wrong I think that I did a lot of things right by her and know that I couldn't stop myself from failing but essentially that is exactly what has happened. I have failed to keep my child alive through no fault of my own. This is something that is very hard to wrap your head around. I'm sure that most of you reading this are thinking about how you are going to write to me and tell me about how I didn't fail. Nobody likes to fail and we all like to think that if we didn't have any control over it then we couldn't have failed. I disagree.
While none of us like the idea of failure, it can often set us down a path that we had never considered. It may save us from even bigger mistakes that we could make down the line. It could change our lives in such a profound way that it could be described as nothing but a gift.
I may have failed to keep my baby alive but I am now following a path that will make me a more compassionate human being. I now have goals that will allow me to say that I will never fail my daughter again. While I would take Georgie back in an instant, it is her arrival and even more so her departure that has been my gift. What happened this past Saturday was only the beginning. It was the laying down of a foundation to building something that will be great and beyond what many of us can imagine. I can now tell you that the final total will be even greater than what I previously estimated! : ) In honoring Georgia's birthday, I have not failed.
"Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. it's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere." Barack Obama
Thank you to all of you that sent messages. Thank you to all of you for respecting our need for privacy and quiet as we have gone through this most difficult week. The journey that we are travelling is difficult but we remain grateful to all of you.
Love to you all,
8 Years an Angel
2 weeks ago