Shattered

If I had only one word to describe April 1st 2009, it would be 'shattered'. Just after lunch we would receive Georgia's diagnosis. SPINAL MUSCULAR ATROPHY. In that moment it was like somebody had taken a sledge hammer to my fragile glass life and smashed it into a million pieces. It would turn my world upside down and cause me to question everything I thought I had ever known. How was this possible? How could these doctors be telling me that my beautiful, perfect little girl was dying? How had I unknowingly passed on this horrendous terminal disease? How would we care for her? How would we care for Calla and Maya? Why was this happening? Did we do something to deserve this? How would we all survive?

The palliative care team would arrive shortly after the team meeting. Somehow this team of two would start to answer some of these questions providing us reassurance and a new sense of hope. I am still struggling with some...okay many of the answers even two years later. Every once in a while I will feel that sense of panic and see my life in a million pieces. Every once in a while I will doubt myself and the decisions that we made regarding caring for Georgia.

I continually remind myself that all of our decisions were made out of love. All of the decisions that Mike and I continue to make with Calla, Maya and Aria continue to be made out of love. I know that we didn't do anything to deserve this. I know that we will all survive. More than ever, I know what hope and forgiveness are. I now understand that even though our family's life was shattered that fateful April 1st and again on the 21st, it is love that not only puts the pieces back together but it holds them in place. That bond is stronger than ever.

Love to you all,

Kristen