Welcome to Georgia's Journey

Georgia Lily Lucas was born at home on October 6th, 2008 4:15am, in Winnipeg, Manitoba. She was diagnosed with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) on April 1, 2009.

On April 3rd Georgia was taken home, to be near her sisters and the rest of her family and friends. Nearly three weeks later, on April 21, 2009, she died peacefully -- in the loving arms of her mother and in the same room in which she was born.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Quiet

The days have been flying by lately. Yesterday I felt like I couldn't keep up with the clock. It seemed to be moving way faster than I was and I felt like I was moving quickly! In my last post I wrote that we have been quietly keeping busy. I wrote the word quiet because that is how it feels when I am not reliving every moment that I had with Georgia. Of course, she has been on my mind. She is always on my mind but this year I find myself feeling much calmer as we approach her angel date.

Calla and Maya have been having a bit of a hard time, especially at night. Calla has been up in the night crying because she misses her sister and Maya has been up with nightmares. It's funny how even though Mike and I haven't said anything, as soon as Calla's birthday is over they start to 'feel' things. I am pretty sure that Maya has very little memory left of Georgia but the minute spring arrives she starts to change. Calla too has become quiet again. Not quite as obvious as last year but she is definitely more subdued.

We are hoping to escape next week but with all of the flooding we don't actually know that we'll make it to the States. We don't even know that we'll make it out of the city, so extensive is the flooding. We'll find some way of getting away however.

Every once in a while I feel guilty that I haven't been more upset. Sometimes I think that I should be feeling sadder or having a hard time but right now I am feeling calm. After losing a child I am very aware of how life can take one dramatic turn after another - how one day you think that life is perfect and then the next... Right now I am enjoying the calm. Today and hopefully tomorrow, I am enjoying the quiet of my life.

Love to you all,

Kristen
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2 comments:

  1. EmmaApril 16, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    I can understand how, even when unnecessary, the guilt would come, but I also know that part of the peace, the quiet and the calm is being sent by Georgia. She knows what it was like, how you felt in those 'earlier' days and she also knows how regardless of how the calm and joy have come into your life again that the love hasn't changed, not even for a second. I also know the calm can be replaced by a wave of grief at any moment and I am praying that one doesn't come, that the memories of Georgia and your love for her and her life come, but in such a way to make you smile and feel overwhelmed by the amazing love you share.

    I know regardless of if you get away you will find a way to spend some quality, fun time with your girls over Georgia's angel date and I think it is much needed by all of you. I am sorry to hear the girls are feeling it, but not at all surprised-you have little girls very in touch with their feelings and so in love with thier little sister. I think one of the greatest gifts you have given them is the ability to talk about Georgia, to remember her even if (like Maya) she probablys doesn't have many real memories but still feels, and you allow them to openly grieve. You have given them such a gift in their neverending love for their sis.

    Your fam will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers as always, we love you, Em

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  2. AnonymousApril 16, 2011 at 6:06 PM

    I hope you guys can get away for awhile, even if it`s in a hotel in Winnipeg. One with a waterslide and near a couple of nice restauraunts or kid friendly places where you and the girls can let your hair down.
    My love to you all, your all in my heart and prayers.

    Carol

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