It has been 1 year, 5 months and 14 days since I held you in my arms and watched you take your last breath. When I close my eyes, I can still smell the sweet smell of your skin and feel your little hand curled around my fingers. While I am no longer pained by every breath, once in a while it still hurts to breathe. While I am no longer surprised by the beating of my own heart, sometimes when I think of you it feels like it is going to burst right out of my chest.
We threw a birthday party for you again. We had over 30 volunteers and hundreds of people showed up. Everybody had fun. It felt good to know that we are surrounded by such amazing people. It feels great to continue raising money and awareness for SMA but... it also leaves me exhausted and aching. I...we miss you every moment of every day.
The girls want to celebrate your birthday tomorrow. We will actually be on the road. I purposely planned it this way. I am not ready to share your birthday with others. I don't want to put on a happy face and pretend that it's okay. It will never be okay! Tomorrow, we will celebrate your second birthday in our own way... just us. I will make sure that your sisters are pleased however and one day I hope that I will be able smile on your birthday and not have to pretend.