Welcome to Georgia's Journey

Georgia Lily Lucas was born at home on October 6th, 2008 4:15am, in Winnipeg, Manitoba. She was diagnosed with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) on April 1, 2009.

On April 3rd Georgia was taken home, to be near her sisters and the rest of her family and friends. Nearly three weeks later, on April 21, 2009, she died peacefully -- in the loving arms of her mother and in the same room in which she was born.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

6 months

The last couple of days have been a time of reflection. If I asked some of you what you could accomplish in 6 months I bet that you could come up with some pretty fantastic ideas. I haven't accomplished anything fantastic since losing Georgia but I have learned quite a bit.

For example, I have learned that I'm not a half bad writer. People actually read this blog sometimes because they want to hear what I've written. I'm not sure if it's the topic or the way that I write. It really doesn't matter, it's just something that I have learned about myself.

I have come to believe that I will truly see an end to the disease that stole the life of my daughter. Not only will I live to witness it but I will be able to say that I worked alongside countless others to make it happen. When people ask me if we have had the girls tested (as carriers) I always reply in the negative. It will be their choice but I really believe that it will never be necessary. SMA will no longer exist when they are of child bearing age.

People sometimes ask me how I am doing? They ask me if it gets any better? In the six months since losing Georgia I can tell you that the pain is no longer a sharp, take your breath away kind of pain. It has become a constant dull pain that still occasionally takes my breath away. It now allows me to be happy but it has stolen my ability to become excited. It lets me enjoy my children's laughter but it also leaves me craving silence.

In the 6 months since losing Georgia I have learned that I will live the rest of my life with a broken heart. Dont' get me wrong, I do believe that one day it will be healed. My reality however is that it won't be healed until I have breathed my last breath and my heart has stopped beating.

Calla and Maya still talk about their baby sister all of the time. They make reference to missing her and we all say good night to her every night. When Calla draws pictures of her family there are always 5 people. This tells me that in 6 months I have done something right. Despite having a child die 6 months ago all of our members remain intact. Despite not being able to see one of us we remain a unified whole.

In the 6 months since losing Georgia I have learned that the only way to live is to open ourselves up to all that life has to offer, even when it's awful. For all of us that chose to live in our perfect little worlds where children don't die and everybody is always happy, we aren't truly living. We are only pretending.

Love to you all,

Kristen

6 comments:

  1. You always write from your heart, and I hope you are still finding it healing along this path you are taking. Thanks for sharing such an honest look into your life and heart. Georgia will never be forgotten and I too believe SMA will be erased from this world, thanks in part to Georgia, her journey and your families.
    Love Em
    PS-I have to disagree with you saying you haven't accomplished anything fantastic since losing Georgia-this blog, the signatures on the SMA petition and the work you did for Georgia's Journey of Hope speak for themselves!

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  2. You, Mike and the girls are why we read the blog we realize that there is still nothing we can say or do to help. We are glad that you are writing, when you write it is truly moving. I love that the girls talk about Georgie and that there are family pictures of 5 (I have tears right now). I must agree with Emma you have accomplished so much. We love you and continue to support you and your wonderful family of 5 in anything that you need.

    Lots of Love
    Vanessa

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  3. beautifully written Kristen!
    Thinking of you all!
    Be well,
    Lisa :)

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  4. Kristen....you are amazing....I hope one day I too can look past the awful and move into a happier existance......Your such a great person.. You should be very proud that u have come this far.....Georgia is so lucky to have u as her mom! See you soon I hope!!

    Candace

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  5. You are an amazing person, Kristen. I think it's so special that your two girls talk about their baby sister and say goodnight to her. I'm sure it helps with their healing as well. You are so articulate with your feelings and emotions and I appreciate the heratfelt words you share on your blog. As always, sending hugs to you and praying for your family always.

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  6. Beautifully written post.

    I do, however, disagree with one thing in this post - I absolutely know that you HAVE accomplished a LOT in these past 6 months!

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