In my early twenties I had a dance instructor whose favorite saying was, "Fake it til you make it!" Her motto was that if we all just kept on moving our bodies eventually we'd be actually dancing. It was a hip hop class for anybody wondering.
Since then I have had this saying run through my head hundreds of times but never as much as the last couple of months. On the day that Mike had to go back to work I realized that I would be facing my days alone. There wouldn't be any tag teaming of the girls anymore. I would have to put my game face on even if I wasn't even close to being ready to play. "Fake it til you make it!" That's what popped into my head. I mean seriously - if I choose to stay at home to raise my girls then I really have to do it right. If I'm not going to enjoy them and nourish their minds and spirits then what is the point? If I am going to be depressed and negative then they would be better off with somebody else all day.
So everyday I got up and tried to smile. Everyday I got up and showered and put make up on - even mascara. I even went back to flipping my hair out every day because when I look at pictures of myself at my happiest my hair is often flipped out. Everyday I tried to act somewhat excited even when I felt like going to bed. Everyday I tried to curb the anger and impatience that sometimes came out. Every day I tried to find something joyful even when I felt like life sucked!
Fake til you make it right?! Well very slowly that is what is starting to happen. I don't get up with a smile everyday but I can guarantee you that I do smile for some of the day and end up laughing for some of it too. I don't flip my hair out everyday but I promise all of you that I still shower!! : ) I don't yell at my girls anymore nor do I really lose patience with them like I did for a while.
My greatest obstacle is getting excited. Besides going to Vegas, there is nothing that I have been excited about for a very long time. Even while we were in Vegas it was hard to get excited. I often feel kind of flat. So what do I do? I try my darndest to muster up enthusiasm and look happy. Eventually, it will be genuine.
Love to you all,
8 Years an Angel
2 weeks ago