On Tuesday we celebrated Calla finishing up kindergarten. It was quite obvious that the teacher and the kids had all worked really hard into making a special presentation for all of us. There were songs, a couple of poems and a slide presentation followed by snacks of course. Calla has really come out of her shell this year and we couldn't be happier with her development. She is already looking forward to grade one.
The roller coaster of course comes into play when I stop and look around and feel the absence. All of these big days and celebrations I feel like something is missing. It's almost like a sense of panic when you think that you have forgotten something. Of course, I haven't forgotten anything. I am just always aware that Georgie is missing. She should have been running around getting into trouble at the party and we should have been trying to keep her quiet at Calla's celebration. Not to be. It really hits home when I look at pictures and see how much the girls have changed and grown. Georgie will remain 6 months forever.
Do you know that I never sent in a family picture to Calla's class this year as requested by her teacher? I had in fact forgotten at the beginning of the year but when I went in to volunteer I saw the wall where several photos of happy families were hanging and I remembered. Many of them were obviously taken during the summer holidays and all of them were full of joy. A family picture?? The last one we had taken was by the NILMDTS photographer and while I consider it absolutely beautiful I felt funny about sending it in. So...I didn't and funnily enough Calla never asked me to. Maybe she was just confused as me about a family picture.
How do I take a family picture really? If I wanted to take a picture of all four of my girls I could give one of them a picture of Georgie and have them hold it or I could line Calla, Maya and Aria up next to Georgie's headstone. I actually don't mind that idea but others would probably find it weird.
I don't even know how to sign the thank you cards I have been handing to people on behalf of gifts for Aria. Do I sign Georgie's name too? I wasn't but now I feel guilty. It is hard to reconcile with the idea that she will always be missing from every major event that we celebrate as a family. Fourteen months, one week and two days after losing Georgia and I miss her now as much as the day that she took her last breath.
Missing you running around at the beach today Georgie,
Love to you all,
Kristen
Yup. There are some things that just don't seem to lose their awkwardness for me. Signing cards without Nicholas & Olivia, answering the "how many children do you have" question, navigating family events.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Lisa
((((((((((((((((hugs hugs and more hugs to you, sweetie)))))))))))))))))))
ReplyDeleteKristen,
ReplyDeleteNo matter what you decide, what picture you take, how you sign cards, Georgia is and will always be a huge part of your family-and you do amazingly well at keeping that going. I can't imagine how hard deciding what to do in those situations is, but I have no doubt you will come up with an answer that suits your family...you always do. I know Georgie being 'with you' always, isn't even small compensation for not having her physically with you, but no matter what you do in any of those situations she feels your love, always. She knows how important she is, and always will be, she feels your love now just as she did every step of her life here in your arms.
I wish no parent had to go through what you are, no parent should have to, but please remember you are doing so with grace and love, and your girls are learning some incredible leassons about life, love and family that are invaluable.
We love you all and are thinking of you, and all four of your girls always, hugs, Em
http://www.rachelamariah.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteKristen, The girls still when saying there prayers at night say a little prayer for Georgia, Sending love and hugs to you, and so you know we are still always thinking of yous.
ReplyDeleteLots of love and support!
Vanessa