It has been brought to my attention that some of you may be worried about me being in over my head. Some of you are concerned that I may let this whole fundraising thing consume me. My only response to this is, of course I'm in over my head. I've been in over my head since March 16th. Of course I am consumed. Georgia was my baby and she is dead. She was not one of my grandparents or even one of my parents. You won't hear me singing "The Circle of Life" anytime soon. I helped to create her and felt her grow and move within me. She came forth from my body and left it in my arms! Of course I am consumed!
I am not consumed to the point however that I am letting fundraising take over other important parts of my life. My girls are well cared for and happy. Today I played "My Little Ponies" with them and took them swimming with friends. I also had dinner with my family and went to the gym. I am super busy at the moment but my family remains my priority, all of its members.
I am not staying busy to avoid the pain of losing Georgia. The pain remains. I carry it with me every second of every day. I talk about her daily and think about her constantly. Of course I smile and laugh because life remains joyful even with the pain. I will never be the same person that I was before Georgie. I believe myself to be a better person now even though the smiles and laughter don't come quite as easily.
A few months before Georgie became ill I was reading one of Eckhart Tolle's books and one of the things that stuck with me was that he says that worrying is an absolute waste of time. It serves no purpose whatsoever. No purpose because it changes nothing. I found this idea very liberating. I believe that it is only action that can change things. And so I have chosen to take action even if that means I am in over my head. Even if that means others worry about me. Please stop.
Love to you all,
Kristen
