Birthdays!

Today marked the beginning of what I refer to as Birthday Season for our family. The girls went to one party today(Happy Birthday Macy), they have two tomorrow, two next weekend and the weekend after that followed by one the weekend after that and I'm probably forgetting at least one. Maya's is actually one of them. Last year I would have debated letting the girls go to all the parties and I admit that I considered not even having a party for Maya.

Birthday parties can be a bit of a pain for parents. If you are the one hosting it you struggle with who to invite and not invite. You try to decide on a venue, food and a time that works for everybody. Some people look for the perfect invitations and decorations and even pick a theme. Some people hire clowns, magicians, musiciens etc. to entertain the little ones and make the party memorable. Don't forget all of the loot bags that you try to put together. Then for 2-3 hours you live in absolute mayhem with a whole bunch of little kids running around like lunatics! At the end your child has more toys than you know what to do with and you are left with a big mess to clean up including all of the food that you had carefully chosen and wasn't eaten. If you are really lucky nobody has left you any vomit to clean up.

If your child is attending many parties it can become a bit costly and time consuming. I always like to look for that perfect gift for the child and can end up becoming quite frustrated as I drag my children from store to store.

This year is different however. The Lucas' have decided to embrace and celebrate all birthdays in honour of a little girl that didn't even make it to her first. For all of you that will be seeing us at the parties in the next few weeks we are honoured that you have included us in marking a very special day in your child's life. We feel blessed to have you in our lives and will celebrate any occasion you would like. After all, you only get to be 3 or 5 or 1 once. You only get a 5th anniversary once, to graduate once, get married once (hopefully) etc.

One thing that I have learned about kids' birthdays is that if you just throw them all in a room with a few toys or balloons they will make it fun. They often don't eat half of the food you make and couldn't care less if you cleaned up the house before they came. While they do love their loot bags they are usually happy with anything to take home. Give a kid a box of Smarties and they'll love you forever! Parties don't need to be stressful.

Adults are a bit different in that they often eat the food. In fact, many of them will come just for the food. Throw a bunch of adults in a room with some food and drinks and they'll make it fun too. Music often helps.

Thank you Georgie for teaching me to live in the moment and to celebrate all that life has to offer without getting stressed out!

Thank you Carling and Tinsley for choosing to have your friends make donations to Families of Spinal Muscular Atrophy Canada instead of gifts. While you may just be turning 14 and 12 repectively we could all learn a lot from you.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Music

Today I went to the gym to run. I was just over a mile when I hit a mental block. You know, everybody has them sometimes. For whatever reason I just wanted to stop running. For me it is pushing past the close to panic feeling I get when I am even a little bit out of breath. That's what years of asthma does to you. I am often afraid to keep going just in case I'm not able to catch my breath again. It is totally mental however as my asthma is almost non-existent nowadays (unless I have a cold) and my lungs are in pretty decent shape. As I continued running and trying to convince myself mentally to keep running I started listening to the words of a song that was playing.

Somebody recently told me that Georgia often sends me music and songs. I don't disbelieve this idea because there have been many moments over the last couple of months where certain songs would just start to play when I'm around. I'm talking about the radio, the mall, the doctor's office etc. There was even one night where I was drawn up from the office by a melody. I walked into the living room and asked Mike what he was listening to and he replied nothing. There was absolutely no music playing and yet I could have sworn there was.

So, at the gym this morning I started listening to the words to this song. Being out of the loop with a lot of pop culture I had never heard this song before. I came home later to find out that it is the new American Idol song and is probably on the charts. I don't claim to be cool people! Here are some of the lyrics:

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can

You can go higher, you can go deeper
There are no boundaries above and beneath you
Break every rule 'cause there's nothing between you
And your dreams

Now obviously this song was written for the American Idol winner following his dreams to stardom and yet I found it amazingly appropriate in that moment on the treadmill. In the end, I ran another mile before walking a little again. Whether or not Georgie sent me that song, I have carried this moment with me all day. It has even given me a few laughs. This is often how I get through many of my days. I think of a moment and I cling to it. Healthy? Not sure, but I'm still here finding reasons to smile, laugh and love everyday so I don't really care. Thank you Georgie for teaching how me to do this even on the darkest of days!

Love to you all,

Kristen

My Fish

Here in the Lucas household we have one lone pet. He is a Siamese Fighter Fish that sits up on the shelf above our television. He is actually a beautiful fish, mostly red with some dark blue. When I bought the fish I was told that he should live for close to a year. Sometimes I question myself but I know that we bought him the winter that I was pregnant with Maya. That makes him over 3 years old! Do you know how odd that is to me? I have a fish older than my almost 3 year old daughter. I have a fish that has lived 3 times longer than his average life expectancy and a child that barely lasted 6 months. I don't hold it against him but I do admit that I sometimes stare at him and wonder what I did right by him and wrong by Georgie. I know that I have done nothing wrong by Georgia but I can't help but wonder. I've never even named him.

My fish is getting old however. When I cleaned out his bowl the other day I noticed that he had bits of food not eaten. I've never seen that before. I was also able to catch him in the net on the first try. That has never happened. Deapite having lost a child I still found myself a little bit sad for my silly fish. He is magestic in his own way and yet I know that he is now dying.

I don't remember ever showing Georgie the fish. I'm pretty sure that I cleaned his bowl while she was sleeping or playing on the floor and his bowl sits quite high up. I feel kind of bad now. I know that she probably would have loved watching him. When he dies I don't think that I'll get another one, at least not anytime soon. I am the only person who ever pays any attention to him. Most people don't even notice him and the girls rarely ask about him.

As I have been sitting here writing this post I have been asking myself why. I guess that I wanted to share the idea that I actually find peace staring at this silly fish. He is a constant in my life who asks only for food once or twice a day and to have his home cleaned once in a while. When I watch him or think about him I start to ask myself many questions about life and death. The most obvious being, "How come you get to live so long and Georgia had to go?"

I know in my heart of hearts that I will never know all of the answers, at least not here and my fish certainly isn't going to provide them. For the time being however, my fish is a source of wonder.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Good News

I was going to post something about a lesson I learned the other day but instead I thought that I would share some great news. Today, my cousin Nicki got the 'all normal' from her last scan meaning she is cancer free and in her words "It's over." Congratulations on a victory well fought Nicki! They are going to have a big "Got Well" party on July 1st as well as celebrate her 21st birthday. I'm thinking that they may have a house full.

Mike and I have also decided to take off on our own. We haven't been out, just the two of us, for more than a night since before Calla was born and she is now 5. So, where do you think a couple should go for some quiet time to reflect and heal? Nope, not some mountain resort somewhere or a tropical beach. We're on our way to Vegas! I know, I know it seems rather inappropriate but we've always wanted to go. We're not gamblers at all but are very interested in the shows and all of the attractions.

We ended up picking a package through West Jet which includes two tickets to a show so we're guaranteed to see at least one. We are going to be staying at the Mirage. We just picked it without knowing anything about it. After everything was booked I looked up Top 10 things to do in Vegas and one of them was the Atrium at the Mirage. Why am I now surprised to be staying at a hotel full of beautiful tropical birds?! We don't leave until mid July and are very excited.

Just to make things a little bit better the weather finally started to cooperate today. We hit 29 degrees and it was sunny all day. I think that I can actually see some lettuce growing in my garden! As for the birds, I am almost ready to agree that the ones that I saw that day might have been Blue-headed Vireos. I had seen pictures of them before and they didn't look quite right but since looking at more images I think that we may have a winner.

One last good thing: As of today the Strongs down in California have raised over twenty thousand dollars for the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation. Check it out at sponsoramile.com

Love to you all,

Kristen