10. The trees - orange, lemon, cork, flowering olive etc.
9. The giant Calla lilies growing wild everywhere.
8. Eating freshly picked oranges. Mmmmm.
7. Watching the 2010 Olympics on Euro Sport. Loved those Scottish announcers and the German commercials!
6. Staring in bewilderment at the pound of sand left in the bathtub after every one of the girls' baths. : )
5. Eating Chicken Piri Piri. Yum!
4. Watching Calla help her little sister do up her zipper on more than one occasion. At home she never feels like she has the time!
3. Watching Maya draw her first family picture!
2. Admiring Calla's golden tan (the first one ever)!
1. Bearing witness to Maya casting not just her swimsuit aside but all of her worries and anxieties about the world.
And then of course there is the most important one that cannot be explained in just one sentence. At some point on the beach, watching the girls run around and scream in delight, watching and listening to the waves I felt an almost forgotten feeling of contentment. I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't have a few moments where I wondered if Georgia would have loved the waves and sand like her sisters. Would she have tried to run in and out of the water like them, or would she have been content to play in the sand? Maybe she would have hated the whole experience. I don't know. As these thoughts rolled through my head however, I didn't find myself feeling sad like I normally would. Instead, I found myself smiling and realized something spectacular. I had found peace. For a few brief moments I was totally calm and content with the world.
Is that feeling ever present? Nope! I am now back to winterland and facing everyday realities. The memories of the beach however will serve to remind me in the difficult weeks to come that I am getting there - inch by inch - moment by moment.
Love to you all,
Kristen
What a great post!! I love hearing your memories, especially the one about Maya and setting her swimsuit and worries aside and your final one. You are right, it shows how you, and your family, are making steps forward in your grief. It will never go away, you will always wonder what Georgia would be doing because she is so important in your family, but I am so glad that you are finding more peace day by day....that is all you can ask for in this situation.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you went on this trip, I think this family time served such an important purpose and I think you found it that day on the beach. I'm sure Georgia was watching with a huge smile as her sisters played, ran, and I'm sure squealed in delight....such an awesome sight!
Hugs, Love Em
Sounds like a trip that was "just what the doctor ordered" for all of you and by you telling about your short glimpses of "normalcy", I know it gives hope to others in similar situations, who will look forward to experiencing short glimpses and then small windows and with time longer periods of "normal" time. I hope your longer times are soon. Weather soon or not though, you now know they will come, like you say, inch by inch, perhaps 2 forward and 1 back, but forward none the less.
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