As promised here are a few pictures from Vegas. Truthfully we took most of them on the first day at the wax museum and sadly we have none of us together. Don't know why we didn't think to ask someone to take our picture! No matter, we have great memories!

Love to you all,

Kristen

Vegas!

We're back! In fact, we climbed into bed at 5:24 am yesterday and Calla was standing there saying good morning at 6:37. Needless to say we were a bit tired all day. Vegas was lots of fun! Our first full day there we left the hotel room for breakfast and didn't return for 15 hours! It was a little bit crazy and we decided that we had to take time to relax too. It's just that there is so much to do. While there we visited Paris, New York, and Venice. We went shopping and swimming. We watched sirens fight off pirates, water dance and a volcano erupt. We went to three shows including the famous "O" by Cirque de Soleil. We also went to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum where I putted alongside Tiger Woods and Mike shot hoops next to Shaq. There was even a spot where one could put on a dress and marry George Clooney.

The weather in Vegas was quite warm. The average daytime high was 108-111 degrees faranheit - that's 42-44 degrees celcius! It didn't slow Mike and I down much. We walked through the hotels and took the bus when it just got to be too much. We actually both like the heat so it really wasn't that bad. When we got home yesterday morning it was only 11 degrees and I can tell you that it felt really cold. It's much warmer today however. Mike returns to work on Monday and then we'll begin planning our little jaunt out to Calgary in August.

I will post pictures by tomorrow for sure.


Love to you all,

Kristen

Vegas, Here We Come!

Yesterday we celebrated Abby's 5th birthday at Tinkertown followed by a great dinner with our friends Candace and Paul. That marks the end of birthday season around here, at least for the kids. We're having a big bash on the 25th for my mom. Any family that hasn't received an email is invited. I don't have everyone's correct emails.

Today we spent the day as a family packing, painting toe nails and going for ice cream. Calla and Maya really wanted to paint daddy's toe nails but he didn't go for it. Calla asked him if he would change his mind if she found him some brown or black polish. He agreed but that's because he knows that we don't have any. : ) Calla and Maya now have pink and purple toe nails. They are very excited.

Mike and I are leaving in a few hours!! Before going however I just wanted to notify everybody that my friend Kim ended up collecting $4000 on behalf of Georgia. This money does not include all that was donated in her name to the Children's Hospital after she died. $3000 has been donated to FSMAC and $1000 has been donated to the Children's Hospital Pediatric Palliative Care Unit. Thank you to everyone!!

Time to finish packing,

Love to you all,

Kristen

Sold out!

Mike's cousin Brent recently contacted me about running in the Rebecca Run www.rebeccarun.com Unfourtunately Brent and his wife Rhonda won't be able to run because the event is SOLD OUT! The Rebecca Run is a fundraiser for Families of Spinal Muscular Atrophy Canada. 95% of their profits go toward research. While Brent seemed rather disappointed I am thrilled. This is the first year that the run has sold out. I didn't even know such a thing was possible. I have always just assumed that those types of events will take as many people as they can get. While SMA continues to be a term that many people have never heard of perhaps word is finally spreading. If anyone wants to meet some inspiring kids go to the website and then click on honorees. It will remind you why we need a cure sooner than later.

I am currently working on a fundraiser for the first weekend in October (in honour of Georgie's birthday). If anyone has any great venue ideas that would hold a couple hundred people, have tall enough ceilings for a bouncer and is reasonably priced please contact me. I am currently emailing community centres but many people seem to be on holidays at the moment.

Thank you so much Brent and Rhonda. We are blessed to be surrounded by people like you.

3 more sleep to Vegas! Can you tell I'm excited?!

Love to you all,

Kristen

Living

Yesterday, I did something that I never do. I sat down and watched t.v. for two whole hours during the middle of the day. Obviously I ended up watching the Michael Jackson memorial. Despite his questionable choices and actions he was a brilliant song writer and entertainer who brought millions of people together breaking all kinds of barriers along the way. One of the speakers made reference to the fact that Michael made every single one of his dreams come true. I find that idea amazing. What kind of life would we all have to lead to make every single one of our dreams come true? How many of us are afraid to even make choices that would make one of our dreams come true?

I have many dreams and surprisingly since Georgia died instead of having them disappear I feel more optimistic about them than ever. Some of them are simple dreams others more complex. Some of them are dreams I can share with the world and others I will keep to myself. I attribute most of this to the idea that I don't fear failure anymore (except to possibly fail Georgia). I have also come to understand that there is very little in this life that I can actually control. Most of us are fooling ourselves when we think that we have taken the wheel.

So, when will these dreams come true? I don't know and for the most part I'm not sure that I care. They will all happen in their own time. At this point, the only way that I feel like I could fail Georgie would be to stop dreaming and stop living. Earlier this evening one of my friend's told me that she was so pleased at the way Mike and I have continued 'living', 'truly living'. That is the nicest comment somebody could give me because it reminds me that I have taken one of the lessons Georgie taught me and am practicing it every day.

4 sleeps to Vegas!!

Love to you all,

Kristen

Changes

Today Georgia would have been nine months old. It's actually very hard for me to imagine. Because she never really met many of the physical milestones I can't really picture her pulling herself up and cruising around furniture like her sisters did. In some ways I am grateful for this. Being able to visualize it would only make it that much harder. My neighbor's little girl (almost 2) was trying to sing 'Baby Beluga' this afternoon. I helped her with the lyrics as it was one of the songs that I always sang to Georgia. Surprisingly, I did it with a smile on my face and no tears because there is nothing as cute as a child first learning to sing. Thanks for the fun time Avery!

The girls and I went out to the cemetary too where Calla and Maya ran around like a couple of crazies. They always have to go see if there are any geese or ducks on the pond and Calla likes jumping from marker to marker. She asked me if it was okay and I said yes. Most of the people buried under those markers were quite old and I think that they'd get a kick over some beautiful little girls taking joy in their final resting place. The friendship bracelet is still there Krista.

Changes continue to happen around and within us. Our days around here are full and happy for the most part. I find it hard to feel depressed in the summertime, especially in a city where it's winter for half of the year. Sometimes I feel guilty about finding so much joy in my life even though I know that this is the way Georgie would want it. I've noticed over the last week that I am interacting with the girls on a new/old level. I have gone back to actually 'playing' with them and not just going through the motions. Calla told me at dinner time tonight that playing at the park with me this afternoon was her favorite part of the day. : )

I don't cringe when I see people at the gym anymore. Most people seem to respect my privacy especially while I'm running. Thank you! I am also considering going back to work in the fall. For those of you that don't know I am an elementary school teacher. I have been subbing since Calla was born, between maternity leaves of couse. I think that I will sub again in the fall. The flexibility can't be beat. It will also help me pay for my fun bus trip down to Minneapolis in October. It's all about the shopping of course. : )

On the treadmill tonight I was thinking about what Georgie would say as we, her family, moved forward. As I left the gym I was greeted by a giant rainbow. I will take that as affirmation that she wants us to continue finding joy in our lives as we continually change.

Happy Birthday Angel! We miss you so much!

Love to you all,

Kristen

PS Go check out www.gwendolynstrong.com and see a 104 year old great grandfather hold his great granddaugher for the first time. You will be moved!

The Crib

Our family crib has a bit of a history. It originally belonged to friends of Mike's family. The original couple had met a little bit later in life and had adopted a baby boy they named Nathaniel. We received the crib from them when we were expecting Calla and Nathaniel was around 3. Neither Calla nor Maya slept in the crib until they were close to 6 months old. They either slept in the bassinette next to me or in the bed with Mike and me. I always liked keeping my babies close and it made middle of the night feedings that much easier.

Last August, Mike took apart Calla's bed and we put in bunk beds for the girls. They now share a room and love their bed! I actually believe that sharing a room at this age has brought them closer. I'm sure in a few years it will be a very different story! : ) The crib stayed put in Maya's old room and the bassinette was brought back into ours. Georgie always slept in the bassinette or in bed with us just like the other two. On April 2nd however Mike returned home from the hospital to put the crib up in our room so that we could keep her comfortable and close to us. She had grown so much that the bassinette was now too small for her and the crib was better for toys, mobile etc.

Georgia slept in that crib for all of 18 nights, 17 if you discount the night we thought that we were losing her because she was in my arms. The crib still stands...

If the crib were still in the old bedroom I would just leave it untouched for the time being but it is in our bedroom (the portal as it is affectionately called). It kind of doesn't belong there and yet we can't touch it. Part of the problem is that you have to take it apart to take it out of the room. We have discussed putting it back into Maya/Georgie's old room but aren't quite sure what to do. Right now that room is full of stuff that I am struggling to go through. We could also take it apart and place it in storage but we're not there yet either. Our children are/were 27 months apart so the crib has never been in storage. We've discussed giving it away but aren't sure that that's the right thing to do either. Welcome to the indecisiveness of grieving parents.

And so, the crib still stands... in our room where our sweet Georgie slept for 17 nights.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Bracelets

Here is the picture of the beautiful bracelets that Tanya gave us. You can click on the image to enlarge it.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Beautiful People

If I were being honest I would tell you all that coming down from Maya's party was hard, really hard. While I had a great time and am pretty sure that Maya did too when it came time to go to bed on Saturday night I was overcome with sadness. On Sunday morning, I went back to bed asking Mike and the girls for 'one hour' because I just couldn't face the day. Life without Georgia can at times be unbearable. I did get out of bed on Sunday of course, and we all went to celebrate Ethan's 2nd birthday. It was a fun time despite the lingering feelings I had about Georgia not being at her big sister's party.

I am surrounded by beautiful people however. Today, as the girls and I were sitting down to lunch there was a knock at the door. It was Tanya. I don't claim to know Tanya very well except to say that she is a kind and generous person and every time I have been in her company we've had a good time. She arrived on my doorstep unannounced to drop off a gift and wanted to do just that and run away. I convinced her to stay. The gifts that she brought are irreplaceable and amazingly thoughtful.

Calla, Maya and I all received charm bracelets. You know the Italian ones with the links. What makes these bracelets so special is that they are memoral bracelets. My links include: a heart with Georgia written through it, a lily, an angel, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and several others. They are all beautiful. The girls have several of the same charms but one of theirs says: Sisters - Calla, Maya, Georgia and the next link reads 'Friends Forever'! My favorite link that is on all three bracelets is far from the most beautiful but I am drawn to it. It reads: Cure SMA. Mike also received some links in the form of a keychain.

Thank you for the beautiful gift Tanya. Tanya is one of the beautiful people that continue to follow our story and ask for nothing in return. I know that there are many of you out there. Since Georgia has become ill we have received many gifts. Not just the kind that you open. We have received messages from all over North America and the world for that matter. Some of you have chosen to organize events and fundraisers for great causes because you have been inspired by the fighting spirit of our beautiful Georgie and others like her. Some of you are seizing the moment with your kids and family because you see how precious your time with them really is. Some of you have offered to watch my kids more than once so that I can do whatever I need to do. I consider all of these gifts.

I am ashamed to say that I have sent out 3 thank you cards. To all of you beautiful people that continue to follow please know that we are eternally thankful for your kindness, generosity, support, prayers, gifts etc. If I were to start writing thank yous I don't know that I would ever finish and I would certainly not have time to blog. This is how I continue to show our appreciation. If you haven't been individually thanked I apologize. Thank you!

The sadness that overwhelmed me on Saturday night and Sunday morning has dissipated somewhat, thanks to many of the beautiful people in my life. I'm off to the treadmill in the morning even though it's Canada Day.

I'll be posting pictures of the bracelets in the next couple of days (the girls are at Gramma's tonight with their bracelets). Happy Canada Day!

Love to you all,

Kristen

Dreams

Tonight as I was rubbing Maya's back and talking about all of her favorite things, she started talking about the two cakes that she had at her two birthday parties. I thought that she was referring to the cake and cupcakes seperately but was unsure as to the two parties. I have actually heard her referring to two parties over the last couple of days but haven't paid much attention because she is a HUGE story teller. Sometimes at supper time she'll stand on her chair, open her arms up wide (like she's gathering her audience) and proceed to tell some of the most outrageous tales. They usually involve at least one family member, possibly an animal, usually a fairy and some kind of magic. Sometimes they make sense but a lot of time she loses track of what she is saying and ends up telling two or three tales at a time. She did only just turn 3! : )

Tonight however, I asked her about her two parties. She proceeded to tell me about the one that she had had on Saturday and then went on in clear detail about the one that she had had with Georgie. I asked her if this had happened in her dream and she said yes. She seemed to be telling me that she had had the same dream more than once. What was odd about the whole story was that she was consistent with the details over and over. It was just Georgie, Calla and her. Mike and I weren't there which seemed to confuse her a bit. She couldn't tell me why I wasn't there. She kept saying that maybe I had gone out to the store. Even when Calla questioned her she stayed consistent.

Calla too has talked about dreams that she has had with Georgie. She always seems intent on telling me about how happy Georgia is in Heaven. Calla just loves to play with Georgie in her dreams and tells me that sometimes Maya is there too. Whenever she tells me about her dreams she is so happy that she is literally glowing. Calla always talks about how Georgia is still a baby and can't talk but they play together and Georgia smiles and laughs all the time.


"Hope is the dream of a soul awake." French Proverb

Sadly, I have had no dreams about my baby girl despite the fact that I am waiting. My soul must still be a little sleepy!

Love to you all,

Kristen